


slipping though the cracks

by hamillover4life



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 09:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14185530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamillover4life/pseuds/hamillover4life
Summary: alex has had a rough life, he suffers from sever depression and anxiety after a long patch of sadness and horrible panic attacks he is starting to get better. But like always everything starts slipping through the cracks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hamillover4life](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamillover4life/gifts).



“Hey piet lion!” laf walked up to alex who was sitting at the lunch table alone,

“Oh...hey laf.” alex didn’t look up form whatever he was looking at on the table.

“How are you?”

“I'm good.” laf was surprised, he has been suffering from a rough patch of constant anxiety attacks and depressive episodes.

“Really?”

“Ya…...i'm good.”that response felt uneasy to laf

“What are you reading?”

“Oh….” he shrugged, “i really don’t know.”

“Oh, well you are reading it so i assumed you would know what you were reading.” laf finished the sentence with a laugh, i didn’t reach at all he just sat there staring at the pages, laf was starting to worry. then john came over 

“Hey guys! Whats up?”

“Nothing, I just got here.” john smiled at laf, but laf shot a look over to alex john understood.

“Hey alex!”

“Hey” alex responded quietly,

“How you feeling?”

“......good.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm, can you look up for me please?” alex slowly lifted his head, he looked horrible. The bags under his eyes were huge, his cheeks were sunken in and his hair in the front had fallen out in all different directions.

“Happy?”

“Alex god you look terrible.”

“Thanks.” he looked back down to his book, john sighed, 

“Alex look at me.”

“Ugh” he lifted his head again, “alex please tell me what is wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Yes there is you look horrible, i haven’t seen you like this in years.”

“Well, things change.” alex whispered the last part

“What has changed?” john put a hand on alex’s 

“N-nothing has changed, just really overwhelmed with school.”

“Alex we know you love to work but you need to take care of yourself.” john smiled a little,

“Y-ya.” 

“Is there anything else you would like to tell us?”

“N-no im good john.” alex gave a week smile then thomas showed up with james madison and aaron burr

“Wow hamitlon look horrible.” thomas said, alex stood up[ suddenly 

“I-i need to go.”

“Why, is your whore mother calling you? Oh wait.” the three of them laughed, john stood up suddenly,

“How about you just leave him alone you worthless perice ofshit!” 

“What can little alexander not fight his own battles, you need your boyfriend to you little fag?!”

“Thomas leave him alone.” laf said standing up,

“I don’t understand how you can stand him gilbert! He is a worthless pain in the ass, we are twins but i got get how we can be so different. Look at him he is standing there shaking like a defenseless puppy!” they look back at alex who was standing in the corner shaking bad on the verge of tears. Thomas walked forward laf nad john tried to stop him but aaron and john stopped them. He got inches away from alex’s face.

“What wrong alexander? Can’t hand a little tease? Well that's because you're pathetic and worthless,your father abandoned you. your mother died so you could live, your brother died to save you during that hurricane, your cousin shot himself because you were too much, you killed all three of them, you did, there blood it on your hands. Your friends don’t love you, they just pity you, i live with laugh, he laughs at people like you. Worthless pieces of shit like you, herc i can tell he only hangs out with you because his friends also do, he doesn't want to be with you. And john, john john john, he is the worst of all, i can see the hate in his eyes, he pities you, thinks you're pathetic and worth nothing. Itso only a matter of time till he ended things with you.” alex was crying now shaking even worse, “what were you thinking was going to happen, get married, have children, no, no one wants a bastard orphan son of a whore, worthless pathetic anxiety fill immigrant who if so fucking depressed that he is so distracted with his sadness he can’t take care of himself. He just hasn’t broken things off because He is just afraid you are going to kill yourself. As a matter of fact, do everyone a favor, if you really love your friends, just go and fucking kill yourself, you worthless pathetic dirty immigrant who shouldn’t be in our country. Go back to you stupid island and kill yourself, then you can be with your whroe mother.” thomas stood up all the way, he was about 6 1 and alex was about 5 1, “you are nothing, stop living.” then he punch alex in the face. The force threw his head toward the wall slamming into it, the slid down the wall slowly, he saw through fuzzy vision two people running towards him he assumed were laf and john. He head muffled voices say,

“Please stay with me piet lion.”

“Alex don’t believe a thing just said we love you so so so so much, you are perfect.” with a little amount of energy he had left he said in a low whisper,

“I am nothing.” then black.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex woke up on what he suspects is the apartment the him, john, laf and herc shared off campus bed, he heard whispering from the main room he got out of bed to listen.

“ _ I can’t believe jefferson said those things.” it was here he can’t see them but he knows his face is red with anger _

_ “I know i wish it wasn’t related to the piece of shit!” _

_ “SHHH, you are going to wake up alex.” _

_ “Sorry john but still, my i wish my brother stayed in France instead of coming over here and becoming a dick.” laf took a large breath, _

_ “We should go wake him up.” _

_ “No john, let him sleep let him be peaceful for a little while longer we don’t know what he will be like when he wakes up.”  _

_ “I-i don’t understand, alex is so sweet and caring and people are just so mean. He has had such a hard life, and it seems to be getting worse, he has depression, anxiety among other things. Why i don’t understand, i just want him to be happy.” there was a sniffle alex slightly turned the corner to see john crying on the couch being comforted by the two. _

_ “Shhhh, shhhh, we are going to help him. He is going to get better, but he can’t do that if you feel sorry for him.” john nodded, he wiped underneath his eyes. He looked up  _

“Alex, what are you doing up?” alex ran back to the room and locked the door, there was knocking on the other side,

“Piet lion, please open the door.”

“Alex! Open up we want to talk to you!”

“Baby, please we want to help you.” alex started crying, “alex sweetie are you crying?”

“J-just leave me a-alone.”

“Why?” 

“I-i am nothing, you don't need me. J-just leave m-me to die.” 

“Alex what do you mean?” 

“ALEX!”

“ALEXANDER OPEN THE DOOR!” alex ran to the bathroom and locked that door also, he went into the medicine cabinet nad took out all 4 of his medication bottles. He poured them all out and just grabbed a handful. He took a deep breath, there was now pounding on the bathroom door.

“ALEXANDER HAMILTON OPEN THE DOOR!!”

“ALEX BABY PLEASE DON’T DO THIS!”

“PLEASE!” alex shook his head,

“Goodbye” he mumbled, he put the pills in his mouth, he forgot water they were dry and tough to swallow. Just then the bathroom door burst open, and the three came running in.

“ALEX!” laf ran toward alex first, he looked at alex’s wrists, nothing. Then he looked over at the ground. “P-pills, how many did you take!!” alex just shook his head, laf then knew he still had not swallowed them. “John help me pry his mouth open.”

“Ok.” john ran forward, he grabbed alex’s jaw but it wouldn’t budge, then herc decided to help. Then he felt a punch to the gut, alex screamed in pain and laf reach his hand in his mouth and took out the pills. Everything was happening so quick alex didn’t have time to react, all he wanted to do was die. So when the weren’t looking alexl unged torwad the unused pills. He grabbed a handful but the were to quick,

“ALEX NO”

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO LET ME DIE!” the were trying to hold him back, but alex was still resisting.

“ALEX STOP” 

“I WANT TO DIE!!”

“ALEX!”

“KILL ME PLEASE!!” alex felt a small prick in his arm, and his body was going numb. Laf pulled him close into his chest, petting his hair. Alex was crying on to laf,

“Shhhhh, shhhh” 

_ “Please,please just kill me” _ then everything faded into darkness.


End file.
